Style-Blogging + Raising Girls

This is a blog post that has been on my mind for awhile. The idea was actually sparked when I saw this ‘outtake’ photo from an outfit shoot. I started to think about how much my actions as a female — i.e., looking at myself in the mirror, hedging over outfits, applying make-up, etc. — silently influence my daughters. They don’t really know about my blog yet and they are still a little too young to care. But since starting the blog, they have definitely seen more of me piecing together outfits, touching up my hair, etc.

I believe it’s my duty as a mom to teach my girls to look inward, not outward, and it’s always been somewhere in the back of my mind. But seeing this photo brought it straight to the forefront and inspired me to share my thoughts with you guys. Together, my husband and I sat down and talked about our approach to raising girls in an appearance-driven society.

We de-emphasize their clothing by letting them pick their own outfits. Everyday my 3-year-old waltzes out of her bedroom with the most interesting get-ups and I rarely change them. I love the idea of her expressing herself, but even more, I don’t want her to think she needs to be in the “perfect” outfit before leaving the house. If I perpetually edited her outfits I believe it would give her that impression. My kindergartener regularly wears cross-training athletic shoes with skirts. She doesn’t care, as long as she can run on the playground she’s happy.

I never speak poorly of my physical self in front of them, especially using the F-A-T word. Let’s be really honest here: all of us women have at one point or another stood in front of the mirror and criticized our thighs, our wrinkles, our hair, you name it. I have always tried really hard to make sure if I need to complain or vent it’s only to the ears of my husband and not my young impressionable daughters. I know the second they hear me start to be negative about my appearance they will start worrying about their own looks.

We consider what we’re criticizing or praising. Just as I shouldn’t self-criticize in front of my girls (or at all really!), I need to make sure I am not criticizing the appearances of others in front of my children. Again, I shouldn’t even be commenting on others’ appearances at all, but so easily we can go down that path. ‘I wonder why he dressed like that for ___ today.’ ‘Did you notice that her dress was really tight?’ On the flip side of this, passing comments like ‘she is really beautiful’ can be just as influential. What kind of traits am I praising of others? Are they physical or are they deeper?

We make sure our daughters are confident and secure, knowing they are beautiful because of WHO created them.  Thankfully, Bible reading is a regular part of our days. (My oldest even requests it!) Each weekday, after school and over snacks, we pile on the couch and read the Jesus Storybook Bible (I highly recommend it!). We have now read it cover-to-cover and I have loved watching the life, love and heart-rescuing-mission of Jesus come alive to my oldest daughter. We often talk about where beauty really lies – the heart. I hope they learn that Jesus healing our hearts is what makes them beautiful.

My daughters’ eyes are always on me and it is an excellent reminder to not obsess on my appearance. For most girls, mom is their number one role model, especially when they are young. I want to model for mine that it’s okay to leave the house without a perfect outfit or a face full of makeup. And I deeply want them to learn that their beauty goes deeper than clothes and makeup. It goes into the heart.

xo
andrea