This December we are doing things differently around the holidays. The goal: to shape our kids’s perspective on Christmas and associate it with experiences rather than things (gifts).
It all started a few months ago when my husband and I were discussing the idea of a trip in lieu of gifts. (I was inspired by my friend Natalie who does this with her family.) We thought, why not take our gift budget and spend it on a small getaway instead? It turns out our gift budget wasn’t quite big enough for a trip, but we decided to keep the spirit of that idea in mind going toward Christmas.
This year we are going on a ‘staycation’ in Portland, and limiting the gifts to just one per kid.
The last few years I’ve followed the four gifts rule for Christmas: something you want, something you need, something you wear, something you read. I’ve been pretty happy with it, but come Christmas mornings, there still seemed to be a lot of packages under the tree. This year, we decided to still give our kids the things they want, need, wear and read, but throughout the year instead of waiting until Christmas. The goal is to disassociate the ‘getting of stuff’ with Christmas.
To give each kid the experience of giving, we drew names for stockings.
My kids, aged 9, 7 and 4.5 are very, very excited about this one. The day after Thanksgiving my oldest led the charge by writing all our names on strips of paper, folded them neatly and put them in a bag for us to draw. They have been talking about ‘secret stockings’ each day since. Because we are keeping the names a secret, it’s been a good chance for my kids to ‘tune in’ to others in the family and get a gauge for what treats will make their person feel loved. This is the first year they’ve been more focused on what they’re giving than what they are receiving. It has been pretty cool to watch.
For the ‘staycation’ part we’ve brainstormed a few family activities we want to do.
Kids often come up with the greatest ideas! In addition to making cookies for our neighbors, they said they want to make a funny video for YouTube. (See the one they did a few years ago in our first, tiny, Portland apartment, here.) Other ideas on the docket: go out to breakfast, go roller skating, go bowling, look at Christmas lights. Each year, we pick a random night where we put them to bed like normal, and then after about fifteen minutes we barge in and tell them to put their robes on and jump in the car. It’s super fun! Especially the part where they get to drink hot chocolate in the car – a rare treat for them! In Portland, the International Raceway is a fun place to look at Christmas lights, as well as Peacock Lane.
This time of year is also a great time to look for ways to give back to your local community. When we used to live in Salem, we participated in the Dream Center’s giving tree, which was a favorite of mine. The Dream Center team spends time interviewing the kids who are on the receiving end, to find out exactly what they want for Christmas, down to the correct color/size/brand. Providing for a child in a personal and specific way (even though anonymous) feels like such a tangible way to show love! This year in Portland, we’re going to support Howard’s Heart – an amazing organization that supports teens in foster care and, like the Dream Center, helps deliver some personalized Christmas cheer. As the saying goes, it truly is better to give than receive. My hope is that my children will learn this at a young age.
I’m learning to be comfortable saying no.
This never comes easy to me, because I’m a Type-A, do-it-all person. But I’m learning the value in saying no to others and myself. The beauty of saying ‘no’ to some things is that it allows you to say ‘yes’ to important things. For me, I’ve been saying no to myself around the idea of spending time on social media. After an extended break during Thanksgiving, I have realized, if I limit myself to a set amount of time on Instagram, I am able to free up more time, attention and head space for my family. And they are my first priority. Thanks to my friend Paige for sharing this post with me, which serves as a beautiful reminder.
Love all of this. Hope you enjoy the simplified season with your family.
Thank you so much Alison! I am enjoying the month so far. <3
It was lovely to read how you’ve simplified your family’s Christmas.
I’ve been simplifying the festive season for the last few years. It’s slow going since it’s never just about us and what we want, is it? So convincing others to change (or adapt slightly) the traditions that are well trodden in throughout the years, is hard going. I’ve decorating very minimally and this year we’re not having a tree (something I’ve been secretly gunning for).
I’ve managed to open up a dialogue about gifting and gifting less; I’ve suggested no gifting at all and that didn’t over over so well with my side of the family, and didn’t stick this year with my partner’s side! What I have mostly managed to get everyone on board with is exchanging wish lists. We’re all adults and buy what we need when we need it so it makes sense to only buy things we know each other are going to use.
Lists sounds like a fair compromise! I am very thankful, our extended family doesn’t do a lot of gift giving, it takes the pressure off for sure. I have noticed since moving to a smaller space a few years ago, my holiday decorating consists of reusing the same items every year. Since I have enough ornaments and items for around the house, it’s become more about the ritual of bringing them out and finding the best place around the house to put them, then about adding new decor. I’ve realized most holiday items are just not worth the pain of having to store for 11 months of the year, so that has made me quite content with what I own! ><
We have two adult sons and decided this year we would all go out to dinner together, then go buy gifts for some foster children. (the local Child Protective Services office gives us wish lists). As a former CPS staffer, I know the gifts will be appreciated and we get the fun of shopping for little ones again!
I love this so much! What a fabulous idea! And you guys get to give each other the gift of your time, which is the most precious commodity I think!
I LOVE the idea of something you need/want/wear/read!
It’s a good one!
I LOVE these ideas! My husband and I regularly talk about how we would want to raise our kids (when the time comes), and you kinda hit the nail on the head. I know so many kids that get absolutely spoiled and I hate seeing a holiday that is supposed to be about spending time with family, turn into one all about the presents. I actually also like your four gift rule! We are doing secret Santa with my family this year, and have told Luke’s brothers we are only planning to get gifts for their kids, as the biggest gift of all for us is getting to spend time with them over the festive season. Loved this post Andrea, and will definitely be saving it to refer back to in future :)
One of the things that has been so helpful for me in my parenting journey has been seeing/learning/watching how others make their choices, it can be so insightful. Glad I could help! I hope you have a wonderful holiday season! The gift of time is the most precious to give!
Such good ideas… looking forward to incorporating some more simple practices into my family for years to come. :)
I hope your holiday season is magical Ella!
I love this! You can definitely find me over here cheering you on for the gift of travel (even if it’s in your hometown) over physical gifts. Woo-hoo!
YES! Thank you Krystal!
DH and I were just discussing this a few days ago. We re-affirmed our desire to keep things on the simpler side, not only for time, money, and effort, but also for storage space. We also re-agreed that most holiday things would not happen until after DS’ birthday in early December. We try and do things that we will all enjoy, instead of worrying if we are living up to someone else’s expectations. One of our major decisions was to go to a table top tree. It seems to work well for us. DS’ main holiday interest is wearing his Santa hat, which he can do from December 1st through 12th Night. He also enjoys his Advent Calendar each year, especially the daily dose of chocolate! As far as giving goes, I get him to help gather his too-small, but still in good shape clothing items, to bring to our church for a Christmas “Charity Closet.” As I gather other items from around the house, I discuss the whole idea of gifts and giving. This seems to work better than any lecture would. Thanks for this timely topic. I hope your holiday season works well!
Actions truly are a great way to teach, right? I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday! Love the Santa hat! ><