Does anyone else have emotions and an overall psyche that swings wildly from ‘I’m thriving’ to ‘I’m not okay’ in a given day, hour, or even moment? Some days I feel like I am doing more than okay. I am spending time baking, utilizing my entire pantry, snuggling my kids, hitting my workouts hard, getting in daily walks and so on. Other days I am lying on my bed well outside of normal sleeping hours, staring blankly at the ceiling in last night’s clothes wondering when life became so bleak. And then I get on Instagram and I see people’s smiles and pulled-together lives and I get angry.
It’s too easy to think that everyone is doing okay. And I don’t want you to (falsely) think I am. So I’m going to level with you guys.
3 Things I’m Struggling With:
1 // Being overwhelmed by trying to keep my kids academically on track. We have three kids in grade school, all at very different stages and with different learning styles. Trying to help each of them manage their workload (while trying to keep them from feeling overwhelmed) is so hard. It’s a big adjustment for them to be away from their teachers and be mostly learning on their own. I am trying to keep it simple and focus on reading and math, but it’s still a daily struggle. I have no idea what the educational fallout from all this is going to be.
2 // Feeling like there are not enough hours in the day. I feel like I should say I’m missing gathering with friends and family (I am), but most days I don’t have time to miss socializing. Anyone who is trying to work from home with kids at home knows what I’m talking about. Most nights after they go to bed I am at the computer trying to get work done, and I’m still behind. My house is never clean. Hobbies? What are those?
3 // Overall dismay about the state of the global economy and the long-term timeline of the current state of affairs. This stuff really freaks me out. We’re facing depression-era statistics around the globe, which are hard enough in first world nations, but utterly devastating in less developed countries. And, despite the eagerness of some U.S. states and countries, the timeline for living with the virus appears to be ever extending. I don’t need to paint the picture for you guys, you know what I’m talking about. *Sigh.*
Some days I stagger under the weight of it all. Other days I do not read the news and I plug into the things that are right in front of me.
3 Things I’m Doing Better At:
1 // Most surprisingly: working out. Mr. Seasons and I made a habit of working out around Christmas, but corona schedules have made it easier to get to. We don’t have to get up super early to beat our kids and get a workout in before they wake up. I love working out because it is one of the very few things I can control right now, and do for myself. It bolsters my spirits and confidence. Not to mention, it makes me feel strong and alive.
2 // Tuning in to my kids’ education. I suppose this one falls under a ‘blessing and a curse.’ Since my kids were little, the bulk of their academic education has come from their (carefully selected) schools. For the first time ever I am getting an an extra close-up view of exactly where my second grader is at math, what my fifth grader is learning about in social studies, and the strange new way they teach kindergarten math. As challenging as it is, on some level I like being engaged and knowing exactly what my kids are up to academically.
3 // Resourcefulness in the kitchen. There is NO food waste happening around these parts right now. With trips to the grocery store scarce, we are making sure to use every last bit of fresh fruit, produce and pantry goods. We are even getting through those bags of dried fruit and nuts that have been hanging around for far too long. (I used the dried apricots in oatmeal bars and I finished off the last of the raisins in my steel cut oats.) I’ve also tried my hand at making a few new things: tortillas and biscuits.
3 Changes I’ve Made to Cope + Adjust:
1 // Lower my expectations.
2 // Take those expectations and lower them even more. (Say it again for the Type 1 Enneagram who struggles with perfectionism!)
3 // Extra puppy hugs.
Proof that I’m doing okay, even when I’m not. How are you doing?
Ugh I feel you Andrea. I told David last night that the only thing we can really do is just keep taking steps forward, and deal with things AS they come up instead of dealing with things now before they’ve even happened… definitely easier said than done, but it’s what I’m attempting to do just so I can function in a somewhat healthy way!
That’s so wise Karin! It’s smart to live in the now instead of worrying about hypotheticals. I will have to keep this in mind!!
Thank you Andrea for this post. I am one of the privileged, roof over my head, no kids to manage, we lost one income but I guess life under lockdown is a little cheaper in that way. I sometimes get pangs of the blues when I think about what comes on the other side of this disease
We were literally caught amidst an international move, but now stuck. I love my home workouts now, they are a real pick me up, when I never got past one or two attempts in my entire life. I look forward to your daily updates, home outfit posts but mostly your very human sharing. Thanks again
Thank you Haj for this comment. Relating to others is so life-giving, especially now. And we are so privileged in so many ways, that is a good thing to keep in perspective. I’m sorry about your loss of income, I know how stressful that is. :( I hope you are able to move eventually. I really appreciate you taking the time to leave this comment. It means so much to me!
Andrea, I feel for you because I had a very dark day last month. I was angry & cranky. It’s just my husband & I at home – kids & grandkids are in another city. As a recently retired teacher who usually had 30+ kids, split grade, my whole career, I had to find 20 minutes of alone time each day to survive. So I spent that time at my desk (empty classroom while kids were out at recess) with tea in a china cup & saucer and some cookies. It refreshed me so much & I was ready for the rest of the day. I don’t know if this suggestion would work for you, but could your husband supervise the kids while you take a “me” break every day, and same for him? Maybe retreat to your bedroom, sit in a comfy chair & read and sip tea or coffee. Or, just go walking by yourself & no dog, either. You sound a bit regimented from your posts, so maybe it’s time to shake things up.
Andrea, this is a really lovely post. I think so many of us are struggling to articulate our feelings these days, and we’re all doing our absolute best to cope while feeling completely at sea. I have a kindergartner too, and trying to manage a balance of learning, play and physical activity for her during the day while my husband and I also WFH is exhausting in every way. The reminder to “take those expectations and lower them even more” brought happy tears to my eyes, because it’s exactly what I keep needing to hear. Thank you for sharing these thoughts, and for the welcome relief of your blog posts during these stressful days. :)
Thank YOU for this comment Trish. I feel like I have to remind myself of that DAILY. Sending hugs!!