I always love the beginning of the year because it feels like a fresh start. I am not into resolutions but I love goal setting. And this year my biggest goal comes in the form of a perspective shift about the way I use social media.
On my mind lately: is my time on social media causing the voices from my phone to be louder than other voices in my life?
Starting a few days before Thanksgiving I embarked on a self-imposed social media break. I took nine days off Instagram, cold turkey. That might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who was previously spending multiple hours a day on the platform, it was.
I took the challenge with a few of my other online (and real life) friends who have similar relationships to the platform as me. We’ve grown large followings, and often spend an inordinate amount of time keeping them, worrying about growing them, and figuring out the best ways to connect. While there are many wonderful aspects of Instagram (community, learning, inspiration, fun, etc.), time spent looking down at my phone often comes at the expense of being present with loved ones around me.
When I take a step back and wonder what my kids are thinking when I’m constantly looking at my phone instead of them, it’s pretty horrifying.
Phones are a great tool, but only when we use them for what we need and then put them down.
Back to Thanksgiving. My family took a short trip, and I wanted to be detached from my phone and plugged into my kids and my husband. With the aforementioned friends holding me accountable, I embarked on my Instagram fast. I really missed it at first, but then I got used to it. And then, I stopped picking up my phone because there was nothing to ‘check.’ I easily left my phone in another room for hours at a time without fear that I was ‘missing’ anything. The lives of the people living in my Instagram account started to feel farther away and less interesting. My attention to my family came much easier when I wasn’t feeling distracted. I looked my kids in the eyes when they spoke to me, instead of half-listening with my eyes glued to a screen.
In the month that followed my fast, I’ve engaged in a more minimal relationship with Instagram, and it’s come with both plusses and minuses.
I’ve stopped using Instagram as a device to consume other people’s lives. Honestly, this is the weirdest part to me about social media. It’s like we have a chair and some popcorn and watch people as they go about their day, sharing what they’re eating, where they’re shopping, what their kids are doing, what they’re reading, what they’re about the watch, and so on. Instagram is a great tool to connect and I’ve honestly learned a lot from watching others’ cooking/shopping/reading choices. BUT, where does consuming Instagram cross the line from being a benefit to a drain?
For me, the answer is in the amount of time spent on the platform. Am I using it, or is it using me? I’ve learned that setting boundaries on my usage is essential. And though it’s been hard, it’s starting to become habit.
No doubt as a writer with a blog I want to share with others, there is pressure to keep up an Instagram presence. Instagram serves as a great place to share new posts, and it’s the platform that brands are always interested in. Unfortunately, since I switched to a modified schedule of using the app, Instagram is showing my posts to fewer people. If you want the algorithm to share your content with your followers you have to post frequently and engage with it throughout the day. In a nutshell, you have to be all in, all the time. And I don’t think I’m interested in that any longer.
So how do we live with social media, and bring balance to our usage?
For me, social media is like food. I need it for my (work’s) sustenance, so I can’t give it up completely. But I don’t want to gorge myself either. So just like food, my approach is to exercise some self-control and place some parameters that help me out.
The details of my usage vary right now, but currently I’ve been (trying) to limit myself to one hour a day on Instagram during my workdays (MWF) and even less on non workdays (Tu/Th). After my time passes I delete the app to avoid the temptation to check again and again. A friend suggested this to me, and I thought it sounded pretty extreme. But after a month of doing it, I’ve had relatively good success.
Other ideas: I’ve used the Moment app in the past. I believe it works similarly to the Screen Time feature on the latest iOS for iPhones. Both allow users to track the amount of time spent each day on their phones and individual apps. Note: this does not work if you delete your social apps each day.
Hard questions I’m continuing to ask myself: How much value is this adding to my life? Are the voices I’m listening to on Instagram drowning out the voices in my real life? God’s? My own? Am I still allowing room for white space in my mind?
Further reading: Set This Simple Limit to Expand Connection, Close Gaps, and Get Life Immediately Looking Up, and I’m Impatient with My Kids (Because I’m Distracted)
Do you set the timer for usage within instagram, or does that also disappear from settings when you delete regularly? I deleted my facebook almost two years ago thinking it would be a temporary thing, but turned out it just wasn’t adding value to my life and I never thought to reactivate my account. While I don’t plan on doing that with instagram (yet), I do wonder if the time is coming.
Something that helps me is to look at who I follow and cull the list down regularly. I am at 354 right now and like to keep things in the 300-350 range. I find that more than that just adds too much clutter that I don’t need. Usually I look at it through my lens of values – is this person posting things that reinforce my values? Less consumer waste. Maintaining friendships/family ties – for those personal accounts. Reading more. etc. I’ve found this makes it really easy to unfollow people/brands I don’t believe in, or accounts that continue posting things that make me feel “less”.
Overall, I’m totally the flakey friend who doesn’t respond to texts until 8 hours later (or days…) because I tend to leave my phone around the house randomly and not think about it for some time. I get some crap from my friends and family for it, but ultimately it’s a habit I never want to break. Nothing better than being present.
So happy to read about this change for you… will continue to engage here. I value your voice and think we shouldn’t let social media run our lives.
Oh my gosh, SAME. People sometimes get very annoyed if I don’t respond to a text message or phone call right away, and I have to think, “Where did this expectation come from?? I never agreed to this!” (I suppose from landlines being replaced by smartphones.) But just because you can technically get a hold of me anytime does not mean I am actually available 24/7.
SO TRUE. I often remind myself that we all did just fine in the pre-texting and cell phone era.
Hi Alison, thanks for the thoughtful comment (and questions!). I forgot that the app does have a timer in it now! I find it useful to check, but yes it goes away when the app is deleted. I admire your culled ‘follow’ list. I need to do that. It is so daunting though! Your method of looking through your lens of values sounds like a great way to do it.
Thanks for your support and kind words! Hope you always stay semi-detached from your phone. :)
I recently downloaded the Stay Focused app on my phone and it blocks Instagram for certain time points each day, (that I picked) so that I can’t open the app. I like that because it seems like it would be a lot of work to delete the app every day.
I haven’t tried that app Brittany. Has it been helpful so far?
I hate how fiercely the Instagram algorithm favors those who are most active within the app and destroys engagement for people who limit their time (and I’ve also read speculation that it’s done to encourage business accounts to purchase sponsored posts to increase visibility). It does feel a bit like an implosion is coming…
Agreed, I hate that too, but I also understand it. I do enjoy instagram, but I think my very favorite thing to do is write blog posts, more than instagram posts, so I am trying to follow that lead and see where it takes me. Agreed on the implosion, it will be interesting to see what the future holds…
I’m glad I read this. I’ve actually been trying to figure out what to want to do with this thing. Unfollowing tons of people is very time consuming and frustrating. But I also want to stay in touch but not necessarily see every. Single. Detail. Of everyone’s life. I read recently that in this age we see things we aren’t supposed to see.. like the cereal some Australian mom ate this morning. Knowwhatimsaying? It’s all too easy to get too involved and before you know it, time has been squandered and your little one has been watching you and oh my goodness you kind of want to just crawl in a hole because like why aren’t you engaging with them? Whew. Obvs I have some thoughts on this… I’m also setting goals this year and this screen time thing is a big one to tackle. Good post, Andrea!
Yes, exactly. I feel the same way Sarah. I have felt SO much better since I’ve cut back. I was getting really grumpy with my kids because I was constantly getting sucked into an online world and I didn’t like when they distracted me from it. Not my best moments. I also feel so strongly that their childhood is flying by, and I don’t want to be tuned out. I want to be present and available.
THIS!!! I have a job that is very boring work, where I am on the computer at a desk all day. I have developed a very unhealthy attachment to my phone since this job began.
I used to just listen to music on it, but have found that, over time, I’m just aimlessly scrolling through Instagram and sometimes Facebook for hours. I was appalled at the time that my updated iPhone told me I was on it!
It’s time to put the phone down and live our own REAL lives!
Very glad to have read this post tonight! I got some much needed food for thought!
Rebecca, I have so been there!! Perhaps you can set up some new routines that help you out. Maybe listen to podcasts (if your type of work will allow) or music again. It’s wild how chemically addicting our phones are. But you can do this! I hope you find something that works for you. Thanks for sharing.
Such good thoughts, Andrea! I deeply value your wisdom + insight.
Aw thanks Emily. It’s been on my mind a lot for the last few months!
Yes yes yes. So glad you and Paige encouraged me to do this. A weight has been lifted (most days) <3
SAME, all around. Love you friend!!
Hello hello hello. Yes! Since the new year I’ve been less on Instagram, and I feel a big shift in my thoughts and feelings. I struggle to balance putting my real life first (which I do, and want to do) and showing up “enough” online. Thanks for sharing Andrea.